real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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