I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Michael Bay diarrhea
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
