My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
