The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
