i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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