Sry I called you an 8
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Randomize