Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
