hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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