I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize