ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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