I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
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