I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
