Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
