no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
