I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
