it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
