I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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