all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
it was like eating out sand paper
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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