Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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