yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Floor bacon is actually really good
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
