so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
