return my video game
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Randomize
