You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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