So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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