If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Randomize
