No stitches, just platelets and will power
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
