IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
