I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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