drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
