help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
