I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
