I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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