Define "chronic" masturbator.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
