The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
God I need to hump something, right now.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
