I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
