i love accidental penises.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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