oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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