Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
