It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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