And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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