I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
