you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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