I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
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