i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
