mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize