Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
