Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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