Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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