Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
it hurts more in the daytime
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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