she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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