happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
