dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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