I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
