doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
