I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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