She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
