I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize