It's like a parade of train wrecks.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
