omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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