Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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