Sry I called you an 8
K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
