he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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