On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
