My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
