Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
