Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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