Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Congratulations! We have a period
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
