shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
