it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
