Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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