I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
