My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
