my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize