I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
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